The last time I went to the doc, it was because I had a persistent cough for something like three weeks. I was handed the same paperwork I always get when I go into the Little Creek clinic. I went on autopilot, filling it out, and then realized when I got to the back side of the page that something was royally fucking fucked about this.
No matter why I'm there, I'm always asked about my last period. When was it? Fuck if I remember, unless it was a source of major inconvenience. So I randomly pick a day on the calendar they show me. And no matter why I'm there, I'm always quizzed about my ladybits. I could stub my fucking toe and need a toenailectomy, and they'd fucking be all up in my ladybits.
But the dudes? Allow me to show you this crazy-ass double standard that I noticed only after I admitted I have teh sexx0rs and am not teh pregg0rs:
Do you see that? One fucking question for the guys. About their prostate.
Do you see all the questions about my ladybits? Lots of 'em, huh? Sure, it's all health shit, but for fuck's sake. I had goddamned congestion, not strange echoes emanating from my nether regions. Why do they need me to answer this shit EVERY FUCKING TIME I'M THERE? Please to clarify, medical people in the know. Why?
And more than that, why is it MY responsibility to answer questions about birth control, and he's not even fucking asked? And why am I compelled to provide this information when my only medical issue is that I'm coughing up green lungturds?
I of course, stopped answering questions, and when the nurse was going over my form, she gave me The Look. You know the one. It's the same one when you say you can't remember the first day of the last time you were bleeding out of your vagina. The Look. So I gave her my happy housewife smile*, and that was that. Lucky for her.
After I left, I contemplated all this shit some more, and I realized something else.
When I'm there because my nose can't stop generating snot, and my lungs can't help but recycle it, they are all up in my vagina. When was my last period? When was my last PAP? Do I have any issues with my ladybits right now? And that's fucking annoying as fuckall.
But when I'm there because I have issues with my ladybits, I get nothing. No, that's not quite right. I get the fucking runaround. I get the ladybits-are-mysterious-and-to-be-feared thing, even from medical professionals. So they listen to my complaints, declare it'll pass when I enter menopause, pat me on the head, and send me on my way.
What the fuck? So when it doesn't matter, they're all up in my shit. When it does matter, they don't give a shit. And the menfolk? When was the last time you had a finger up your ass OR alternately and providing more accurate results** the PSA blood test? Very well, continue on. We don't care whether you use condoms when you fuck because your sex life and potential exposure to STDs or potential to become a babydaddy? Your business. Not ours. Have fun sticking your dick in All the Places this weekend, my man!
I declare bullshit, and I refuse to comply ever again. If I'm there about my ladybits, I will answer all their reproductive health questions. If I'm there because I tripped over a sprog's toy and took a nosedive into the wall***, they get nothing but my middle finger and my happy housewife smile.
Fucking Navy medicine.
*I'm told this smile on the receiving end appears to say "fuck with me, and I will fuck some shit up." Which might explain why it gets results...
** But of course only for dudes who get fingers shoved in their asses and
not for women getting metal things and sticks and scrapers shoved in
their cookies and sometimes also fingers in their asses. Because women don't mind have wooden shit and cold metal parts shoved up their cookies for to scrape fucking cells. Where the eff is our blood test, and why the eff can't we get in on that shit, eh?
***Ahem. So didn't happen.
The long one about failure.
5 days ago