I love the Enterprise. I own this pizza cutter, after all. We don't even use it for pizza. No. It's the centerpiece of our Star Trek altar, where we worship every day. It's like a simultaneous athame and idol, and it totally fucking rawks.
YodaMan told me recently that there was talk about asking William, Lord Shatner to preside over the humble end of the latest water-bound version of the Enterprise. I fear what might come of that, however. Also, I cheered when Captain Kirk died ("It was.....................fun.") in ST: Generations. It was a spectacularly bland ending to a spectacularly underwhelming character.
|This is why we can't have nice things.|
I'm not talking about the reboot Kirk - oh no, for therein lies so fucking much potential for squishy, gnarly m/m slash. And other things. Ahem.
If the Enterprise retirement coordinator gives a crap about the sailors, s/he'll invite Wil Wheaton to be a guest at the retirement ceremony. If s/he doesn't give a crap, I will declare her/him a taintraider.
If Wil Wheaton loves America, he'll accept that invitation. Like Justin Timberlake loves America enough to go to a Marine ball. Do you hear me, Mr. Wheaton? Do you love America? Do you love this country like Justin Timberlake loves this country?
America loves you, Mr. Wheaton. We love you like we love the latest tech toys. Like we love butter wrapped in bacon wrapped in crack wrapped in Krispy Kreme. Like we love swinging our big red, white, and blue peen of republicness and starting wars because, hell, what better do we have to do?
Also, I have a couple degrees of separation from you. I went to Klein Oak a year behind this guy on a sitcom you sometimes show up in.
And I happen to have counted exactly three degrees of separation thanks to one of my mentors, an awesometastic writer of sci fi and m/m. Hollah, Anne!
If Wil Wheaton loves America, he might also bring some of his pals to partay on the Enterprise before it goes to mothball and undignified scrap - not necessary, but would further the awesome. Friends like Levar and Michael. Like Denise and Brent. Like Patrick, even, if I can get a wutwut. And, sure, we'll let Jonathan join in. We're cool that way. But, of course, this depends on how much Wil loves America.
Naturally, whether this invite goes out depends on They Who Plan. Do They have enough awesomesauce in their souls to believe in Wil? Do They love America? Or will They choose to believe the best crew of the starship Enterprise did not include a certain Ensign full of vim and vigor (or, in Navy parlance, young, dumb, and full of cum) whose crazy antics and need for paternal direction from Captain Picard resonated with all us sprogs of the X Generation?
Who loves America?
And who loves the Enterprise?*
In other news, I bought this [ETA: from this Etsy page], and I shall wear it to every FRG meeting and trip to the commissary between now and blessed retirement.
|You want a piece of liberal milspouse? Come and get it, motherfucker.|
*This bitch! Except, of course, when it forces long terms of celibacy and isolation from adult conversation.