How do I kindly suggest to people that they mind their own business with regard to our plans for procreating? Do I dance around the issue or rudely put them in their place. The army is a small world but I'm tired of the questions.
Tired of Ridiculously Nosy People
Boy, do I feel your pain. Back in the day, I was childfree and frequently suffered rude comments and judgment from breeders. For some reason, milspouse convos led to these moments much more frequently than civilian convos. Three guesses on my theory about that....
My favorite response came from a friend in Bahrain, another childfree type who also braved the commentary from her mother. She decided the next time her family asked why she wasn't squeezing out the sprogs yet, she'd feign tears, wail about all the pressure she was getting from them when she couldn't get pregnant, etc. In other words, she'd make them feel very bad about butting in on something that isn't their business.
Great idea, but that's not so effective when you're at a function with folks who don't have a personal stake in your happiness and sanity. So a better option might be to make a pointed comment regarding the inappropriateness of their questions and suggestions. For example:
Breeder: Why don't you have kids yet?
Tired: Wow! That's kind of personal. Do you want the results of my last pap smear, too?
Breeder: Why did you get married if you don't want kids?
Tired: My husband is good for more than just depositing his sperm in my twat. We like to do crazy things together. You know, like having deep discussions and making fun of narrow-minded breeders.
Breeder: Don't you like kids?
Tired: If my progeny were to turn out like yours? Definitely not.
Breeder: Who's going to take care of you when you get old?
Tired: The nice folks in the amazing assisted living facility I'll be able to afford after not spending all my money on diapers and juvie fines.
Breeder: The Bible says it's your duty to fill your quiver.
Tired: Deuteronomy says disobedient kids need to be stoned by their community. So you just hold yours still for a sec, and I'll go grab some rocks.
Breeder: It's selfish not to want kids.
Tired: It's ignorant to assume everyone should have them.
Breeder: I just don't know what I'd do with myself if I didn't have kids.
Tired: I'm sorry your life is so unfulfilling.
Yes, it's a small community, and word might get around that you're touchy about the sprog questions. But would that be a bad thing? At least you wouldn't need to worry about constant pestering at every new duty station.
If all else fails, you can burst into tears and run from the room the next time someone asks. That would shut them the fuck up, I bet.
Get Some B-12,