Oh, blessed Norfolk

YodaMan is heading to the Enterprise!

Meanwhile, I'm sick as a fucking poodle-schnauzer mix. The last big cleaning we did apparently set off an allergic reaction so huge (and possibly a fungal infection up my schnaz) that it created a three week-long fiesta of nasal sludge and finally pink eye. Woo to the motherfucking hoo. I guess that was Monterey's parting shot as I hightailed it the fuck out of there. Did I mention, when the movers pulled the furniture out of the tiny, cramped spaces in our house, that we found the most disgusting, heinous fields of mold growing out of the walls? *urp* I can honestly say, much as I loved the friends I made there, I have never been happier to PCS.

I realized I'm back "home" in at least close to the South, if not below the Mason-Dixon, when someone talked to me at the grocery store, and they weren't trying to get money or sell me drugs, and the woman at the Tricare Service Center at the Portsmouth hospital was actually incredibly fucking nice, helpful, and patient. Holy. Shit. I almost pooped myself. For real.

This place might be redneck, but by gods, I'm so happy to be here. These are my peeps. They're not always awesome, particularly in the stick-up-the-ass and -ism departments, but I at least understand them.

So a report on a couple of the MTFs around here, since Norfolk is unfortunately et up with these things, which means we're pretty much fucked for getting a civilian doctor. Little Creek? Unhelpful and under construction, so it was a pain in the fucking ass to get to. The Health Benefits dude was nice, though he made a comment about the novelty of sarcasm from an officer's wife that shocked the hell out of me. I can NOT be the only one to sit in his chair and snark about Tricare. Anyway, he couldn't help me with my sludge and eye of doom, so I went to NAS Oceana, which is much closer to me anyway. They also couldn't help me, and their Health Benefits woman was smoking some serious weed. Or crack. Or something. Either way, she wasn't sharing, which just made the lack of info and help she could offer that much worse. She basically told me I would have to wait another 3-5 days for an appointment for my sludge of doom.

Nice.

So I went to Portsmouth, and the Tricare woman was full of awesome, win, and professionalism. She helped me with some options for getting help soonest, and she discouraged me from dealing with the ER when I could easily call up Tricare on Monday and rant for a while. Because of the info she gave me, I was able to run back to Oceana and score an appointment less than an hour later. SCORE. I now have pharmaceuticals, my eye looks much less likely to crawl out of my skull, my sludge no longer has the color of Chernobyl run-off, and the pain in my face has migrated into my throat. All in all, massive improvement.

Oh, and when I had my BP checked at the doc, it was fucking NORMAL. That's right, bitches. Normal.

Fuck you, Monterey. My shiny white ass, let me show you it.

I know people warned me left and right about Norfolk. I know they told me it would be a shock after years spent on the Left Coast. But you know what? I haven't been so happy after a PCS ever. I'm within a day's drive from my family. Two days from in-laws (perfect!). They sell cheese grits at the store. The store is fucking Kroger, for gods' sake (the only thing better might be a Piggly Wiggly, my sweet, sweet bitches). There's an evil WalMart on every corner. There are MULTIPLE Barnes and Noble storefronts here, and there's even a fucking Borders. The sprogs' school is within walking distance. I have a mailbox, not a community mail tomb a quarter mile away. The house is affordable and has enough room for all our shit...and then some. And even though it's full of the South, though sadly lacking kudzu, I can still find Tofutti, Amy's, Nasoya, Almond Breeze, Bob's Red Mill, and other similar brands I've come to rely on to keep my veganism convenient.

It's like heaven. A little broken, perhaps, but heaven nonetheless.

I'm home, bitches!

But don't worry. I'm sure I'll hate the East Coast Navy even worse than West Coast. After all, they're way more uptight on this side of 'Murrica. I hear there's an FRG, so there will also be opportunities aplenty to report. Can I get a muwahahaha?