This news story really hits home for me.
I was bullied as a kid. I think most of us get a taste of bullying at some point (even bullies, I bet, get it at home or from other kids). I don't advocate rolling over, though that's what I was taught ladies do - we ignore bullies and internalize the taunts and try hard to avoid actual physical tussles.
We're in California, which is largely one of those freakishly no tolerance zones, so even if you hit someone because he's trying to choke you in the hallway between periods, you'll get bounced for fighting, too. We're in NoCal, in the Bay area, which means we're surrounded by advocates of peace and compassion and granola. I'm a total fan of all of these.
But I'm also a fan of not being a victim.
We're about to head back home to the South, where we know the rules are different. Our wee ones have been so indoctrinated into the Run Away As You Turn the Other Cheek mentality that they're bound to be even bigger bully targets when we get to Virginny this summer.
My elder kid was bullied last year and again for a while this year. He got in trouble for fighting back, for pinching or hitting or kicking a kid who was doing the same to him (he didn't tell on the bully b/c his speech delay made it impossible to convey to the teachers what was happening), and we spent more time coaching him on how to tell the teacher when he was being smacked around than we did on matters of self-defense and when and how to fight back. Plus, there was the issue of him spending hours in the principal's office. As a Kindergartner (horrible teacher syndrome what?).
My younger sprog hid and played away from other kids when one little shit ran up behind him and kicked him in the thigh, leaving a bruise. This was not at school, but he's got the California lessons down pat. Don't stand up for yourself. Don't fight back when someone is clearly going to keep molesterating you because he knows he can. Just run away and hope you don't stay on his radar.
Another lesson they've learned here is that teachers and other adults will not help you if you're being bullied. They'll have stern words for the other shit, but nobody's going home unless there's still an obvious mark where the pinching/hitting/kicking/biting/scratching occurred. And mean words? Well, those don't mean anything to a kid, do they?
Though I have reservations about this (and we've already had issues because of it), we have started with the Don't Be a Welcome Mat lessons. I'm waiting for it to backfire here in California (we already had a minor skirmish because of them, but I hope we've caveated the kid enough that he knows when self-defense is actually self-defense), but I'm hoping it helps alleviate any issues the boys might have when we return to real civilization.
As for the kid in the CNN story, I'm shocked at how far he went to defend himself, but I do applaud him for standing up for himself. I hope everyone--the school staff and parents included--have learned a lesson, but I don't hold out much hope that the little shit who was hitting him won't find another target. After all, that little bully says he's not sorry for his behavior.
Here's the video one of the bully's minions took. Be warned: it's pretty graphic, and the little shit who brought this on is lucky he's not in the hospital.
The long one about failure.
4 days ago
8 comments:
I really hate seeing a kid get a smackdown & thinking he TOTALLY deserved it. BUT that little jerk totally deserved it and he IS lucky he didn't end up in the hospital.
We are in VA - my email should be on my profile. Where are y'all headed? (oh, it's CrunchyNavyWife)
I didn't hate it at all. That little asshole learned a good lesson, and as you said, not only did he TOTALLY have it coming, he's lucky he didn't get worse.
Though I wasn't bullied, I have no patience for it. I'd have been tempted to kick that kid's ass myself, frankly.
Perhaps it's best I'm not a parent ;)
I hate to say it, but most schools you will find state they have a "Zero Tolerance" policy, but what that really means is "Don't bug us because we'll just tell you that's tattling and let the little shit who's bullying you get away with it until you beat the snot out of them, and then you'll be the one punished." No, I don't have experience with this and my kid at all. Nope. And in the district it happened, a kid stepped out in front of a semi to commit suicide and left a note that said it was because of the bullying. The only words I have for schools like that is "I told you so."
And on post where the kids think they're untouchable because of their father's rank? Yeah, not so much. I'll call the MP's if you harass my kid and my family. You father's boss will hear about it, and your father will in turn hear about it. Shit rolls downhill my little friends.
I'M the one who has zero tolerance, and if my kids beats the snot out of some little shit that started it, then good for him. Don't start what you can't finish.
Sorry. This is totally a hot topic for me.
I'm glad I'm not the only one. What shocked me about this video is the violence - how far these bullies have driven this poor kid when he finally snaps.
But I'm so tired of lip service. School administrators say they don't tolerate bullying, but then nothing gets done.
Last year, my elder sprog endured a lot of bullying, and it seemed like it wouldn't end. This year, his new bully had his friends tell my son that if he told a teacher about the pinching and hitting and shoving, they'd make it worse for him. He told me instead, and this time, we saw action. That boy was removed from the after care facility. Not a moment too soon, though, as the day I was told the boy wouldn't return was the same day I was going to have a throw-down, find out which kid was the bully, and wait outside the aftercare building until I saw the kid leave with parents. And then parents and I would have a wee fucking discussion. But my sprog had already gotten permission to bring the fucking smackdown to that little shit. Our kid is abnormally tall, and though the bully was two years older than him, it would have been a fair fight.
Amanda, I'm sickened about what happened with the kid and the semi. I don't get that we see all these kids committing suicide or shooting up the school in response to bullies, and our schools' only response is zero tolerance. That's like slapping a band-aid on skin cancer and going back out into the sun. Not helpful and doesn't address the root issues.
Kids are already under so much pressure these days. Schools are demanding, society is demanding, extracurricular schedules are fucking nuts, and to put up with a bully on top of that? It's no wonder the bullied snap and turn the violence on others or themselves. It's no wonder.
I think we should start a national movement advocating appropriate responses of violence as self-defense in the face of repeated bullying. Even if that means you and your co-bullied pals set up a fucking ambush and teach that little shitheel a lesson, so be it.
Losing patience with an ineffective system.
crap. My beautiful rant disappeared. Next time, I'm going to type into notepad and paste.
Short version: "Zero tolerance" sucks all the way around.
I have such a soft spot in my heart for the chubby, picked-on kids. Perhaps because my brother was one and I spent a great deal of time (tiny, scrappy little me) defending him against the mean little shits who tortured him.
At the same time, even knowing that the antagonist here deserved it, when he's staggering around in the end I can't help feeling more sad than triumphant. I hope he's learned his lesson and sustained no permanent damage.
P.S. Snarky, I love your blog.
I grew up in the area you're moving to. It's not so bad. We came back to the States when my son was entering 3d grade, and I told him I had two rules about fighting in school: I'd better never hear that he threw the first punch, and I'd better never hear that he let himself get punched without fighting back. I promised him that as long as he followed those two rules, it didn't matter what the people in the school said or did; we would stand behind him. And it worked. He's a gentle kid, not a fighter. I think it was 6th grade that the school contacted us because he'd slammed some kid into a wall. I went to the school, ascertained that some kid had been in line behind him and hit him several times before he responded. I told my son he'd done exactly the right thing, then asked the principal if he had anything to add.
We talk such great bullshit about nonviolence, and I firmly believe that there's no reason any kid should have to go to school afraid - but we don't have any really effective answers for the kids about how they're supposed to defend themselves. Teachers don't know what to do, and bullies aren't always stupid enough to do their nastiness with an adult watching anyway. "School Resource Officers?" Seriously - you want to sic cops on 6th graders? And what is a cop but dressed up violence, anyway? So the lesson is "don't use violence or we'll use violence on you?" - Oh, wait, that IS the way our society functions. Forgot about all those prisons. Sorry, rant over, carry on.
We're in Virginia and have been very lucky that there have been no signs of bullying at our school. But our kids have also been raised to believe in self-defense. Never punch first but there's no problem with punching last. There has been a learning curve with this technique but they also know that they will not be doormats to anyone. We don't care what part of the country we live in.
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