Hopefully. I know some religions are much more about feeding the "me me me" generation, and it sure is easy when you can declare that your preacher said you can sin all day so long as you are a True Believer. I'm sure the iPhone generation loves that as much as my microwave generation did. Going to hell? Press the I Believe button and be instantly transported to heaven!! And there are plenty of Christian churches I've encountered in my life that tell you just that. You should strive to be a good person, but if you're just a dickbag and can't help it, ask for forgiveness. It's always on tap.
And here's the wacky part. I might not get it, but I respect it. That's your path, that's what you need to feed your soul, that's how you're going to learn and grow in this lifetime to walk one step closer in the next? Awesome. Get your bad dickbag self on.
What I have a hard time dealing with is hypocrites, and if you've been a dickbag once in spite of your religion (while not playing the Forgiveness Is On Tap card), I just don't trust your religious intentions. And that's a large part of my problem with Glenn Beck's masturbatory theater this past weekend.
I read the transcript of Beck's rally recap and was stunned by how often Glenn Beck referred to himself in the third person. It rather reminded me of an experience in high school, when I was playing all my cards to get into the Naval Academy (thank gods I'm a fucking midget and had to go up for a height waiver - dodged that bullet). I was on my congressman's "teen advisory committee" or some bullshit thing. We basically met twice in a year and listened to the good congressman and his guest speaker yammer at us for a while.
Our first meeting's speaker was George Foreman. Mind you, this was 1991, before George Foreman re-entered popular culture post-boxing or whatever the fuck he did. During George Foreman's long-ass talk, George Foreman used his own fucking name, often in third person, a hundred fucking times. I'm not kidding. He'd just built some youth center in Houston, which had a name that went something like this: The George Foreman Youth Sports Center and Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too. I'm not fucking kidding, y'all. George Foreman loved George Foreman's name. He also loved his youth center's name, as every time he referenced it, he called it by it's entire fucking name, including the part that was George Foreman. The dude I carpooled with to this fine event, a nice guy who was seriously made for the Navy (he did go to the USNA, bless his sweet little soul) with a stick up his ass only slightly larger than my own, also snarked on George Foreman and George Foreman's penchant for repeating George Foreman's name at every opportunity. The snarking from this guy? Comedy gold. But I digress.
I thought about George Foreman as I read Glenn Beck's sweet reminiscence of his very public self-love and ejaculations. I also thought that a man who claims to be sooooo religious and wants the country to go back to god (Yahweh, I assume? not sure whose god, but apparently there's just the one he's aiming us for) was sure full of hate.
The hate's not new. He's a sexist and a hateful douchenozzle, of course, even admitting in an interview on 20/20 that the only reason he became a Mormon was to get into his "hot" wife's little Mormon panties. A man so full of loathing that he once - as a personal vendetta against someone with better radio ratings - called his nemesis's wife on the air and mocked her for having just endured a miscarriage. A guy who claims to be a Christian and yet derides the idea of social justice and believes that poor people are poor because of a bad work ethic.
So when a guy gets up in front of a large crowd and plays the I'm-A-Good-Christian card, then whacks off about it the next day with all his faux-humility out there with the repetitions of his name and how awesome he is, I don't buy it. On top of that, he pissed me off with his bullshit before he ever stepped foot on the Mall in DC.
He pissed me off when he lied regarding the Badge of Merit he wanted to resurrect and the Purple Heart. And in his lying, he also made disgraceful statements about those who have been awarded the Purple Heart:
Never mind the history diddle Beck did here, either. Never mind the huge progressive conspiracy that turned the Badge of Merit into a Purple Heart (which, as I've heard, was a military request, not a political movement of any flavor). Never mind fact - we have fiction!
That's something Beck and I have in common - we're fiction whores. The difference is my kind comes with a label that clearly says MOTHERFUCKING FICTION, BITCHES on the spine. His kind comes with a veneer of truthiness and a metric smeg-ton of hatred and vitriol, which I'm pretty sure peace-loving baby Jesus in his heavenly manger would frown upon. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if baby Jesus has been crying for years now from the bullshit Beck declares in the name of Christian lurve and integrity. I bet it breaks his poor little baby-god heart that a whole fucking rally was dedicated to him, preceded by lies and hate, and capped with a sweet self-love-making session on the air.
Yeah, let's get this country on the path back to GAWD, and let's make sure we do it with a badge of lies awarded for integrity, discounted heroism, and a single religion's view to to bind us all together. Exactly what the founding fathers were thinking about when they drafted the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.
The hypocrisy is unbearable, but the hatred is worse.
And now I've exhausted myself trying not to drop every creative swear word I know and love into this post. Because that smegbucket fuckburger isn't worth all my pretty profanities. Not even close.