Which is exactly what Ms. Sisk did when she invited us to call her bitter and then proceeded to shit on every tiny bit of progress this country has struggled to make in the military world over the last several decades.
Even better, after she's set up her intent to shit on progress in the first paragraph, she pulls some old-skool milspouse shit and rests on what her dear husband thinks of this.
My husband, Tom, asks if we, as a nation, have become so weak that we now must support military families with the results of mid-summer toy drives and stories about families' "sacrifices" on TV so that the soldiers serving in Afghanistan or Iraq (or any of the other nations) won't have to worry. Worry about what? Have we become a nation of complainers?
Let me start by saying that I give mad props to anyone who has the strength of character required to serve our country. I don't look down on the service of those who came before. It's never been an easy life, but it's always been challenging, and it's always required sacrifice. It doesn't matter what fucking word you picked back then, if you call it "coped the best way they could," it was fucking sacrifice.
But here's the deal. When Martha throws up the "bitch, please" and calls us "whiners" because we talk about the sacrifices we make, she's basically telling today's military service members that they should strap on a sack and pretend like their families don't exist. She's telling today's military spouses that they should delight in all the wonderful opportunities to travel and see the world and meet new people that happen when you're done with your tour in Vietnam.
Doh! Wait a second. The service is different now than it was back then. Life is different, too. Dual incomes are almost required these days, kids are missing parents with stupid crazy operations tempos, the economy is so far down the shitter it's gasping for fume-free air and splashing through a turd mine field, and oh yeah all this is neither new nor all that temporary. This is the new military, how it's been for years and how it will remain until the world economy (and ours particularly) hits rock bottom, the crazy stupid optempo lets up, a woman's desire to have a career of her own isn't so shockingly commonplace (how dare those uppity bitches?!), and dual incomes are no longer so necessary.
Would I want the life I'd have had as a milspouse in the 70s? Fuck no. That shit was hard, too, and in much different ways than I'm prepared to deal with. But to snark on the few perks military families get for all they've been missing for the last 9 years (for army/air force/lazy Marines) or several decades (Navy and those Marines who can't make that long-ass swim to their destination) is just low class. Just because you equate military service with getting to eat exotic food, shopping in German markets, learning a new language, and getting to travel doesn't mean that's been my experience as a milspouse. In fact, my experience has been quite the opposite. Sure, I've had some exotic food, but sustenance isn't exactly my first qualification for wonderful experiences. I've learned a bit of a new language and shopped in foreign markets, but that was mostly scary as shit because, well, I was in Bahrain and we had just invaded Iraq.
Dearest, bitterest Martha. You don't get to acknowledge "numerous unending deployments" and then inform me that, while "sometimes hard, with constant change" it's an "exciting and joyful" life. Fuck you, Ms. Sisk. Fuck you and your paternalistic pat on my head. Fuck you and your self-granted entitlement to ridicule my generation of milspouses when you have no fucking clue.
The military you knew isn't the military today. The life you knew isn't available today. For that, I'm glad. If I were expected to keep a stiff upper lip and not talk about how hard this life is, I think I'd end every day on a massive fucking bender. Maybe your generation was expected to shut up and pretend like everything was full of awesomesauce while you wondered if your husband would come home. We're not that way, and frankly, I think it's healthier to own up to how scary, how hard, and how unfair to the children this life is.
If it helps the ankle biters forget their troubles for a few minutes, then let them have a free fucking toy. Let them have camps where they can get the support and fun they need to be children, for gods' sakes. Let them have healthy outlets instead of bottling up their fears. What the fuck does it matter to you? Or are the children a bunch of whiners and complainers, and are we coddling them by trying to ease their fears?
Fuck you, Martha. Fuck you and your ivory tower full of raw milk and "ja, toll!" and travel opportunities. Fuck you and your assumptions. And most of all, fuck your unhealthy and cruel advice to suck it up.
10 comments:
I'm just glad that a majority of the comments on that site are in agreement with you (but with a few less F bombs ;) I get the idea that she bases her feelings on the 1 year deployment her husband "endured." Not even close to what goes on today. Thank you for objecting.
You know, what she said doesn't really bother me. So she's a jackass; that happens. What bothers me more is wondering what in the world she was trying to accomplish with this silly article. I mean, why even write it? The only answer I can come up with is that she just wanted to shit all over other people. How pathetic.
Playing "who has/had it worse" is a game that doesn't interest me. I'm sure sending your loved ones off to Vietnam was a pisser. I'm sure the draft sucked. The death toll from that war is astounding. I have no doubt that being a milspouse in the 60s and 70s was a shit sandwich (I saw what it did to my mom, after all). Yet she went through all of that, and instead of being a supportive, right-on sister, she's interested in telling us we're whiners, and in making ridiculous comparisons? Meh. Fuck her.
I almost wish that her article was simply ignored. Deprived of a reaction, perhaps she would have realized what an immature, entitled, pointless waste of ink it was.
Having said all of that, this post = awesome.
On a side note: I'm one of those spouses who's done some traveling and is learning a language, blah, blah. I'd still rather be married to a civilian. I'd like to be able to buy a home, and I'd like my career back. I'd like to not have to drag our pets and household all over the planet. It ain't all foreign markets and vacations, for crissakes.
Damn, that was a long comment. Sorry!
since kimba said it all... I'll just "fuckin' right on!"
LAW
I think my biggest issue with her logic is, especially with regards to the wars before Vietnam, the sacrifice of military families was SHARED by the nation. Everyone had a boy abroad, everyone was asked to give up someting, of it was food rations, pantyhose, whatever. Today's military families and soldiers make their sacrifice in a vacuum, while the rest of the nation can still go to the mall, eat at Olive Garden and watch football on their 60-inch TVs. What was it that Bush told everyone after the Iraq invasion? GO SHOPPING? For Christ's sake.
I used to hear similar blah, blah, blah from my uncle. Comparing his Army from the 40s to the 60s to mine.
Oh yeah, it's been nothing but Mai Tais on some lovely tropical beach from the 80s until now. There's the real secret life of an Infantryman.
While I do give props to her for being a Military Spouse and enduring all the crap that goes with it, she can kiss this old NCO's ass at the same time.
Tell it to both my ex-wives too.
Josie is absolutely right. I still amazed how individuals who should be supporting each other find ways to tear each other down. So what you served/sacrificed then and we serve/sacrifice now? Times are changing. Thanks for bringing up the dual income requirements now. Mom CAN'T just sit home and help Bobby and Susie cope; she has to go to work or work at finding work. Don't get me started on my first deployment as a spouse starting this morning and listening to CMC tell us all to "have a good time." Perhaps HIS wife helped edit Sisk's article?
So what she is saying is that since her "generation" of military spouses really suffered, that all future generations should suffer as well- regardless if we have the means to make it better? What an ass...
(By the way just found your blog- I love it!)
I have never heard of Martha J. Sisk but I actually hate her now. I'm sorry but my husband being on the carrier is the actual WORST experience of our lives as parents, spouses, human beings, etc. I don't care if I'm labeled a whiner. Love your blog! I'm adding it to my blogroll.
I was absolutly Appaled to read Martha J. Sisk's "article" if you can even call it that!!! What a Horrible thing to say! Your article, Snarky Navy Wife was spot on. I couldn't agree with you any more than I already do!
Our Military Families both NEED and DESERVE the Love, Honor and Support from our Cities, Town's and of course our Nation! The Family is often so neglected, :( and that's just not right. We've come a long way as a Nation as far as Honoring our Soldiers- it only seems right that we should honor our Military FAMILIES as well.
And, honestly she's bitching over Summer TOY drives????? Seriously?!? Maybe she was seeing the ad's for the Toy's for Tot's that the Military does....Where the Soldiers raise toy's for kids in their area that are poor.
I wish there was more for Civilians (like me) to do to honor our Military FAMILIES (not just our Soldiers) because they are just as much Heroes as the service members. Keep up all the Snarky Posts- I love reading your Blog!
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