Y'all know I support milspouses and writers. When the two come together ("hey, you got words on my milspouse!" "you got milspouse on my words!") it's a thing of beauty and awesome and win.I want y'all to know all about a wonderful milspouse named Jehanne Dubrow who has written a book of poetry called Stateside. It's amazing, really, to read these words that perfectly capture the feel of a deployment...only they're beautiful and not full of f-bombs.
I don't know poetry well enough to write it, but I really appreciate it. I do know it's easy to write mediocre poetry. It's damn hard to write the good stuff, and it's almost as difficult to write truly awful poetry. Except for high school poems about unrequited love. Those are always terrible, but then it's hard to write mediocre anything when you're full of emo.
In celebration of Jehanne's amazingness, we're holding a wee little contest.
To win an autographed copy of Stateside, give us some bad poetry. Two rules:
- We want poems that practically steam from the level of suck in them.
- Poems should be about the military, military life, or deployment. They can snark or they can make like the military is the bestest thing ever. Ode to an Underway? Bring it. Haiku about gate guards? Sho nuff! A double-dactyl about deployment gremlins? As long as it sucks.
Make us groan or make us laugh. Make us twitch, even. Whatever form you choose, make sure your poem is really, really, ridiculously bad.We'll be open to entries through Sunday, April 25, 2010 at midnight PDT. Post your entry in the comments and be sure to come back and read everyone else's entries.
13 comments:
Woo hoo, I'm the first bad poet!! Bear with me, it's gonna look long.
Super Mil Wife
I’m mom, I’m dad.
I multi-task.
I cook. I clean.
Who am I you ask?
I’m Super Mil Wife!
I do it all.
My man’s deployed,
But I stand tall.
I mow the lawn.
I pay the bills.
I’m Queen of strength
And power drills.
Loose lips sink ships
So I stay mute.
Mighty OPSEC
I can’t refute.
I wait for calls
That rarely come.
I handle it
With great aplomb.
The kids are sad
And misbehave.
(My sanity
I hope to save.)
I hug them and
I hold them near.
They miss their dad
Who can’t be here.
Some days are tough.
Some days are grey.
Don’t ask about
My day today.
I sleep alone
Without my man.
Getting through it
The best I can.
I keep the home fires
Burning bright.
In my darkness,
He is my light.
Support and love
I do believe
I give to him
And I receive.
My man’s deployed.
This is my life.
And so my name is
Super Mil Wife.
Deployment is here
I have beer wine and whiskey
I will be home drunk
Dear Wife on the Roller Coaster,
the contest is for BAD poetry. Yours is actually pretty good. :P
Here are some terrible haikus dedicated to the Navy, the Submarine fleet, and to my husband's boat in particular.
~~~~~
The Navy doesn't
care what I think, though I would
rip them a new one.
~~~~~~~~
Navy, oh Navy,
Why do you think you make sense?
You don't! Oh Navy.
~~~~~~~~
Old, "Bold", cold, mold, scold,
Words that remind me of the
tin can submarine.
~~~~~~~~
Dear Navy, mostly
You suck. Sometimes you suck less.
Out in oh-sixteen.
~~~~~~~~
How about ~
warm soft wiggle jello
I want to know where to go
written in warm jello
I had a couple of long ones written - then a friend said they were good. LOL I said I was trying to make them bad!
These are great, y'all! Keep them coming! Contest is open until Sunday.
YodaMan's thesis partner sent in some. I've sent him back to school this morning with the task to ask permission for me to post these. Because They. Are. Rad.
I've been asked to throw a "poem" into the mix (though I am NOT eligible for this contest). Here's my first double-dactyl, and hoo-boy does it have an odor. ;D
Moffiser Poffiser
Surface War Officer
Once more deployed on the
Hulking gray bitch.
Expert at backstabbing,
Hero of nobody,
Slave to Poseidon’s whims:
Roll, puke, thud, pitch.
This is cathartic. Ha haaaa! Getting rid of angst through bad poetry.
The Day the Navy Hung the Moon
She rummaged in the junk drawer
And with a squeal of joy found
Hammer, screwdriver, and commando nail,
And set forth banging, banging,
Screwing, grunting, dewy perspiration
Collecting along her blond-banged forehead
Like a fucking tiara,
And with a cry of victory and lusty ta-da
Showed you the moon in the sky.
And you applauded her handiwork.
These poems are AWESOME!!!
my name is JJ the cat
Mom says I'm just a little brat
I sit and I purr
and I shed lots of fur
I'm a cat, and that's where it's at.
TA DA!!!! my attempt at truly awful doggerel.
LAW
LAW - LOL! Thanks for posting. JJ is adorable and totally wins for milcat of the year.
Oops! Had typos. Reposting:
Crypienerd (I hope I spelled that right) reads this blog (wutwut) and shared some FABULOUS haikus with my darlingest husband. I harangued him to ask her permission for me to post them, and he finally got it after I threatened him with vegan hot dogs for dinner.
Work-Ups
Work-ups, on the bridge
through binos I can see home
want to swim, swim, swim
Work-Ups II
Flight quarters is set
helo has pizza from shore
they won't give me any
Dumb Army
Army guys are dumb
Put gas in a deisel truck
Walking to chow now
Afloat
Tacos on Tuesday
and sliders on Wednesday but
when did I last sleep?
Phone Home
I don't want to call
because I'm a bitch right now
you wouldn't know me
Patrol
Cutting figure eights
circles make the comms go down
expensive warship
Did I mention these ROCK?
Thanks, Crypienerd, and hope the networking pain has passed. :)
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