Find a Veteran Grave

It's history! Sorta. I've never hosted a guest blogger here before, but when Evan e-mailed me to ask for feedback on a project he's working on, I was impressed that someone has decided to offer a service to the families and descendents of veterans. See what Evan has to say about his project, and offer him some kudos for being one of the few computer science interns in the world who actually achieved something worthwhile (I know I didn't...thanks, BAE Systems!). Also offer him a wutwut for his willingness to be associated with such a site as this one. A "couple of F-bombs" don't bother him, says he. He'll fit right in.

Here's Evan.


There are over 6 million veterans and family members of veterans buried across the United States. And when you want to pay your respects, it can be very hard to locate a veteran’s burial place. The department of Veterans Affairs keeps a massive database of burial sites of veterans and their beneficiaries, such as spouses and children. But this database is jumbled, messy and confusing. But a new online tool has cleaned up this data and made it searchable and easy to navigate. Now, anyone can easily find a veteran grave for free on LocateGrave.org.

Users can search for a veteran by name, cemetery, date of birth, military rank and military branch. Once you have narrowed down your search, you can click on a veteran to see the detailed information regarding their burial. A map will help you locate the cemetery and the cemetery’s phone number will be displayed. If you are logged in to facebook, you can also leave a prayer or note to remember the veteran.

A similar online tool also powered by FindTheData.org is the Medal of Honor Recipients database. Like the veteran grave locator, the Medal of Honor tool allows you to search for recipients based on war, rank and name.

This is a guest post written by Evan Thomas, a student at UC Santa Barbara that has partnered with FindTheData to help create these tools.  If you have any questions or comments about the grave locator, feel free to contact Evan at evan_thomas (@) umail.ucsb.edu

Deployment Preparedness

 Since I get to hear some awesome stories about douchebaggery that takes place aboard YodaMan's ship, I'm often in a position to offer some fun tidbits that might make his job a bit brighter. Of course, you can only polish a turd so much before the shine gives way to a big fucking mess all over your hands and oh-my-god-how-did-it-get-in-my-hair.

On his first ship, a frigate charged with counter-drug ops and whatever extra underways the captain could volunteer them for in order to get away from his obnoxious trophy wife*, they had a huge issue with nailing necessities. They were never fully manned because the ship was a reserve frigate, so they only had their full contingent one weekend a month and for a couple weeks in the summer. They also had no cash. Their budget discussions, every quarter, would end in a debate about whether they should buy paint to keep the ship from rusting or toilet paper. They always bought the paint.

YodaMan's care packages and deployment kits often included toilet paper. And air freshener. Because of all the "cremains" he had to stow in his state room, when he had one.

His anniversary gift this year was a tiny load from our favorite online store, Think Geek. Specifically, I gave him this t-shirt and a few other tidbits, pictured below. I know, I'm so romantic, giving him deployment readiness shit for anniversary. It's how I roll.

Last night, we had Date Night, and at the end, he was telling me about a guy on the ship who is apparently a very good guy but who is still a bit high strung after the hell everyone endured under the last CO. Specifically, this guy likes to give YodaMan orders. But, yanno, he's got no order-like leg to stand on since they're equals in the food chain. So according to YodaMan, when he gets an order, he tells the dude, "Duly Noted. And then he says he'll just write that order down in his "sparkly notebook right next to the glitter and My Little Pony stickers." He may have said something more, but the image set me off so that I couldn't stop cackling.

Needless to say, today I felt compelled to make that notebook a reality and hereby complete the Deployment Preparedness Kit.

Here's the final kit.

The whole enchilada! Minus the sexy t-shirt, natch.

The t-shirt missing from this photo has a back story. Wanna hear it? Great! So YodaMan was called from his rack during an emergency one night on their underway. The CO saw him and gave him a strange look, then shook his head. YM had no idea what that was about until he realized he was scampering about in his nighty, which was this t-shirt, also from Think Geek. Be sure to check out the back of the shirt. That's apparently what prompted the head shake from the CO.

The Notebook: Duly Noted

I tried to make sure the notebook looked like a stampede of My Little Ponies took a crap on it. It's a composition notebook underneath all that glitter. Here are some shots of the inside pages:

For the diva who has everything.

Pwnies!

Click your heels three times, OPS.

Where rainbow becomes a euphemism for cumtard.

Glitter + Rhinestones = I'll Get My Wish

Okay, enough of the brilliance inside. Not photographed was the purple glitter pen that goes with this book. I almost attached it with a special glittery ribbon, but that's just a choking hazard waiting to happen.

Next up, the obligatory mug, which will be either completely grimy and disgusting by deployment's end or will break before halfway day arrives.

Fight the Waves! No. Flavor the Water! Um, no, not it. Figure Time Wins! What? Fake Tech Wings! Hmm.

He regularly gets paperwork that's all kinds of fucked up. He actually had to send an official e-mail out to his guys about the difference between a "hangar bay" and a "hanger bay." No, I'm not kidding.

Hello Kitty thinks you're stupid.

For folks who just piss him the fuck off, we have a very special bit of torture. The Evil-Tron is the size of a quarter and has bizarre noises. My favorite is a tiny voice whispering, "Can you hear me?" I also love the creepy kid laughter. Win! Even the cat felt compelled to help model it.

Moose-i-fur says: WTF? Why this no smell like salmon?

When he goes to staff meetings, he'll love to use these dice to answer the "how do you plan to fix this system?" questions.

Weighted dice? Or the hand of karma?

And there you have it. I'll probably also send toilet paper and Febreeze, for old time's sake. But I probably won't send a dick cozy, which is something I actually shipped to him his first deployment. That went over well.


* or so I heard.

It's Xmas time! Let's watch reunion porn.

I know it's hard not to watch reunion porn these days. With the end of the war in Iraq and the holiday season upon us, the news stations are all but creaming their panties at the opportunity to show surprise reunions with wee sprogs who don't realize their shock, their joy, and their pain are being televised for the titillation of the American public.

It's pretty rare that the reunion clips come with the appropriate dose of reality that puts the necessary edge back on the story. Most of these news broadcasts include a lot of sentimental and emotional angst, even by the newscaster who's all verklempt. I love Robin Meade, but she's been all up in my shit with this lately, as reporters rush to cover all the tearful, joyful reunions.

But look at this one in particular: Sprog Surprised by Returning Dad. Imagine what that moment is like for that little girl. Reunion is as upsetting as it is joyful. It signals the start of a very rough time in those family members' lives. But all that heavy stuff is rarely covered. It gets at best some lip service, as it did on today's broadcast.

There are so many things wrong with reunion porn. Worst is that it could be easily fixed. If the clips didn't focus on the tears, the hugs, the smiles, the squeals, but gave them their moment in the midst of the larger story--the pain of all that the service member missed, the pain of all the family missed, the months of soul-sucking fear, the stress, the relief, the new stresses, and OMFG the unholy reintegration--these clips wouldn't serve only to titillate audiences. As they stand, they make light of the military family experience. They make light of our children's very particular and very hard struggles. And most of all, they make light of our sacrifice by only revealing a veneer of the happiest moment.

I say fuck reunion porn. The only thing it has to offer is moments of hope and promise for milfams at home, experiencing those horribly bleak moments when you can't even imagine that the separation will ever end, when the stress has you at the snapping point, and all you want to do is curl up and cry. Then these are good. Then they remind you that there is an end.

Otherwise, they're worth about as much as horse shit caked to the bottom of your Jimmy Choos. Sure, the shit highlights how awesome your shoes are, but it's still horse shit, and now it's all over your shoe. You're welcome.

Dear civilians reading this: Let this be a reminder. Just because they're home doesn't mean all goes back to normal and life is good again. Just because they're home doesn't mean they don't still need your support. Just because they're home doesn't mean their work is done and their families will never again suffer their absence.

Keep that in mind, will you?

Blessed Yule, everyone.

In which I extrapolate from a single experience

Remember this pendant I bought?

I've gotcher pearls right here, bitch.

Yeah, I wore that to the commissary today, and I discovered it's not actually a pendant.

It's a motherfucking talisman, bitches.

The week before Xmas, mere days after the last payday, and I was not cut off once, I was not boxed in, and the rude bitches [read Old Skool Wives who think they're better than the rest of the masses] who parked their carts in the middle of the aisle and allowed their enormous posteriors to block one whole side of the remainder didn't dare stay in my way for long.

At first, I chalked it up to the commissary not actually being as crowded as it should have been despite the fact that (as I learned later) by 11am yesterday, every register was open, and the line was stacked through the frozen section. By all rights, the place should have been overridden. It wasn't.

Then I caught someone looking at my necklace. And then she glanced away and pushed her cart as fast as she could in the opposite direction. Obviously, the presence of the talisman around my neck didn't just encourage folks to move in another direction. It diverted motherfucking traffic headed to the commissary. Truth!

And so hear ye all: If you, too, want an easy time at the commissary, wear one of these.

Peace out.

Search Engine Fun

It's time for another round of search engine terms that FTW. What brought folks to this site in the last month?

• wife breeders
• random shit
• wife shit
• "my navy wife" podcast sex || what?? where is this?
• airforce bullshit
• asshole military wives
• being a navy wife and have a career
• dangly balls woman looking at || ha haa!
• deployment love poems
• dog fucks
• fuckywife.com || which I'm so buying
• how common is porn during a navy deployment || how obvious is the answer?
• how to stop snarky || good luck
• husbands straws being done for seeing german wives to fuck with other one || O.o
• i'm just looking at you || awesome
• minions of hell
• smegstick
• top navy spouse blogs || er, no. not here.
• what the fuck is wrong with Tricare || ha haaa!
• youre a fucking loser || love this! also, so in love with the visitor's grasp of grammar

I really wonder if there are interwebz tools that allow you to visit a site with a particular search term. That would be so cool. I should investigate. I'd hit sites of douchebaggery with all my snarky charm.

Help a Warrior Out

Y'all, there are wounded warriors whose families need extra help this holiday season. I know it's very close to a done deal for most, but there's always time to send a gift card or just anonymously donate to Our Military Kids.

I just sent a gift card for the clothes one family requested for their children, plus two small toys that I hope will help alleviate the burden these children have suffered.

How often do you think about the families of those who come back from war with significant medical and psychological issues? We see and hear plenty about those heroes wounded in combat, and we're hearing more now about TBI and PTSD, which can be so much more difficult to identify as actual wartime injuries.

But really, think about the last time you considered what the families of these service members endure. The initial terror, the grief, the anger at what has happened. The relief that their warrior didn't die. During the harsh and emotionally complex journey to wellness and autonomy, the shame at fleeting thoughts that are natural but would be considered hurtful or even appalling if voiced. Even after the wounded are released, they face challenges, and their families bear the same burdens.

And consider the economy.

The families are heroes, too, often forgotten, usually ignored or expected to step up and deliver. There are support systems out there for these families, but they're not that easy to find, and there's not a lot they can do. Because the focus is (as it mostly should be) on the wounded warrior.

If you'd like to remind these families that their own sacrifices are not forgotten, that their current struggles are acknowledged, and that you'll do what you can to support them -- anonymously or otherwise -- think about giving. If you want to try to send a gift, e-mail me at snarkynavywife at gmail. I'll forward your e-mail to the coordinator. As I said, I sent a gift card, and I threw in a couple of toys. I couldn't afford a lot this year, but I did what I could.

If you'd just like to offer a donation to the program that helps these families all year, visit their website at Our Military Kids.

Rape in the Military

This looks really interesting. I hope, however, that it covers rape of military men, too. Since that does happen.

It would have been nice if a male survivor had been included in this preview. Heteronormative assumptions 1) make sex appear to be the ruling factor rather than power and hate and 2) make male survivors the Other when sex and gender are actually not germane to the underlying problem. Showing that these assumptions are wrong -- especially when we're looking at a male-dominated institution -- would do worlds of good.

Of course, it's not helpful that I have to say "male survivor." Yes, female survivors are much more common, but it would be, I believe, a boon in the fight against sexual violence if we could remove sex and gender from the conversation without assumptions defaulting to male perpetrator, female victim/survivor, and a sex-centric motive. So how do we change the image of sexual violence in such a way we can eliminate the use of gendered perps and survivors and open the ring for an honest-to-gods fight against dehumanizing violence with far-reaching effects after the fact (e.g. potential pregnancies for women, potential incurable STDs for everyone, sexual and psychological health for everyone, etc.).